My whole life, I’ve been defined by my desire to do things by myself. I didn’t want help learning to tie my shoes, I still hate being asked if I want help when I’m shopping in a store and I’ve always preferred solitary sports. Its pretty hard to be social when your entire workout consists of submerging your body in a tank of water or counting out sets on a weight bench. Even when I played tennis, I preferred to hit balls against the wall of the court than to play an actual game. I revel in alone time and many times, my idea of a perfect evening is curling up with a good book, drinking vats of tea and listening to some great music while I wall out the world. I am, by every definition, an introvert. I enjoy my introverted nature, it fits me well and I’ve been lucky enough to carve out relationships with people who, regardless of their level of extroversion/introversion, have accepted me for who I am and how I function.
Unfortunately, my long term relationship has come to an end and I find myself even more alone than usual. This was probably the world’s most amicable break up, based not on changing of emotions, but on distance and the toll it takes on maintaining a relationship. Sometimes I think its easier to end a relationship because the other person is driving you crazy, not because you love them like crazy, but life just gets in the way. Luckily, I still have my best friend. I may have lost my boyfriend, but the friend he was to me isn’t going anywhere, so I suppose on some level, I’m not that alone. Relationships come and go, and it hurts like hell when they do, but friends are forever, and if you are lucky enough to come out of a relationship with a friendship intact, I guess you are pretty darn lucky. I may be single….but I’m not alone.
Because stress and sadness are great motivators (at least for me) I’ve been working my body to the bone this week. On Tuesday I ran my first sub 10min mile, and on Wednesday I did a 5 mile run with 3.5 miles tempo at 9:50 mile/min. This morning I did a 3000m swim in under an hour, including times when I stopped to chat with my friends who joined me in the pool. If I’m sad, lonely, feeling sorry for myself, at least I know there is still somewhere that I go to feel like myself. Sometimes submerging yourself in a tank of water is just what the soul needs.